pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize