Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
