I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
