i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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