she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
