Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
