You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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