theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
