I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
