he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
