How'd it feel making her break her religion?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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