I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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