Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
