Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
