I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
