the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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