names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
