You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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