those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
