so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
