Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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