I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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