so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
