In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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