is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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