I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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