It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
