I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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