I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
