I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
