"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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