According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
