It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
