I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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