You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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