All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How external is "for external use only"?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
