The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
