it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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