If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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