News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
