Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FUCK WHALES
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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