If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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