And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
