My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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