I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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