ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
