dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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