so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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