My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
