I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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