I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize