The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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