I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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