I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
