She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
