Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
