A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
