Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
