so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize